If I hit you again, you pretend to act and care for me.

If you hit me, I hang you.

If you record my marks for Geography CCT, i will take that paper away from you and pour water on it. 

If you record my marks for geog CCT, and claim that your mother told you to do so and you have no choice, that means that I can go up to you, unzip your pants and take a picture of your nether regions, saying that my parents want me to do so and I have no choice. 

If I talk to my friend about a particular asshole in class, you turn around and say "Yess, he sucks" 

If you talk to a 'friend' and I accidentally interrupt, you will say "Why? want to sabo me is it?" 

If you run out and want to commit suicide, I cannot touch and restrain you as  i will get a demerit point. My demerit point status is more valuable than your worthless life.

If you tell someone to go and die, you say that people interpret a different comment as 'go and die'. If you see me playing music in class, I can say that you interpret a different action and think it to be playing music on the class AV system.

If I am in Raffles Players, you can be a Mediacorp A-grade artiste playing people who die.

If your name is not K.*im, then my name is mr brown.

If you tell me to die, I will be depressed. If i tell you to shut up, you start kicking, strangling and spitting at people, trying to kill yourself and others.

If  you waste the time of other people by making them go for a talk session with you, you will be happy.

If I supposedly ask you to do something, you show signs of displeasure and want to commit suicide.

If you do not wank in the toilet, i failed my philosophy test.

I cannot fail my philosophy test.

Therefore, you wank in the toilet.